The Biggest Loser

My daughter, Jill, was gracious enough to present me my 9th grandchild in January. Since then, she has been working on losing weight. She has been good to limit the intake of calories and increase her exercise regimen. In the past 3 weeks she has lost 6 pounds and is looking good.

I am doing quite the opposite. I have found those 6 pounds she lost and am giving them a good home. Every day when I have to suck in my stomach to button my pants, or try to hide the bulges under my Shade shirts, I say to myself, "YOU HAVE GOT TO LOSE WEIGHT!"

I've seen ads for this expensive miracle drink, Green Tea HP. It is supposed to help you lose weight and give you more energy, and promote heart health, and prevent cancer, and turn your hair brown, and improve your volleyball game and...the list goes on and on. I've been reading up on the benefits of green tea, so imagine my excitement when at the mall I saw the little green kiosk that houses this amazing diet supplement. I stopped and looked interested. The cute little gal who was working there approached me and asked if I wanted a free sample and if I was interested in the weight loss or the health benefits.

I told her the weight loss, then quickly perused the list of health benefits and announced I was interested in those too. She brought out a cold bottle of water. had me drink some, added the powdery substance to the water, shook it and handed it back to me. I took a few gulps, thanked her, and could feel myself getting slimmer. Walking away, I remembered that deep, down in my purse were two gift certificates for a pound box of See's Candy! I knew that if I got one, I would be eating most of it, so I decided to use both certificates and get it over with! After all, I was drinking a bottle of Green Tea HP!

I got them both, didn't have to pay a dime, felt marvelous, then quickly left the mall. I had to get home to order pizza! I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!